Megan Gogerty

In traffic today, a car pulled in front of me with a bumper sticker that read, “CHRISTIAN NATION, NOT OBAMA NATION!” It was a maroon Chevy Caprice Classic. I was driving my fancy Toyota Prius, which has no actual bumper sticker but carries an implied message of, “SMUG, NOT SMOG!”

Watching this man carefully weave through the construction work, I knew I should be generous toward him and his sticker. The election is long over, my guy won, and we should all try hard to be gracious in victory. But I found myself stuck on that sticker.

The thing of it was, I couldn’t muster up any ill will for the man driving the car. His sad little bumper sticker is no match for the march of firm if incremental reform initiated by the Obama administration. And I have to admire a guy who, this deep into Obama’s first term, is still holding fast to that bumper sticker, his personal feeble protest against what I’m sure he feels is the degradation of all things good and decent in America. And this being a notoriously liberal college town makes his bumper sticker all the more ineffectual and poignant. (How liberal is my town? Let’s just say that Dennis Kucinich did very well here.)

So. No hard feelings toward Caprice Classic Guy. But I did start to wonder about the maker of that bumper sticker. Who made it? Who sold it? And why?

Let’s give everybody the benefit of the doubt. Let’s say that it was not a crass attempt to cash in on the religious right’s ignorance and fear over their impending domination by a mixed race, accused Muslim with sketchy terrorist pals and a penchant for socialism, who, let’s face it, wasn’t even born here. No. Whatever the sticker maker’s misguided ideas about Obama, let’s assume that he or she made it in good faith. The making of the sticker was an attempt to connect with other concerned citizens, to advertise this group’s clear concern. Let’s even assume that the maker hoped to change a few minds here and there, or at least get people to think twice about Barack Obama. Isn’t that the point of political speech, to register your opinion with the world and bring people over to your side?

But here’s my problem with it. It’s a terrible marketing campaign.

Let’s leave aside the fact that Obama is an avowed and baptized Christian, and therefore the bumper sticker makes no logical sense. And let’s also leave aside the debatable question as to whether America is indeed a Christian nation, or even if a Christian nation is something we would actually want.

But what really gets me is the whole thing turns on a stupid pun.

“Christian nation, not Obama nation.” We’re supposed to read Obama Nation and think, Abomination. That’s the point. That’s why it’s un-Christian. Obama Nation, Abomination, ha, ha, ha.

But it doesn’t work that way. I don’t know about you, my heathen audience, but when I see the words “Obama Nation,” I don’t think, Abomination. Mostly because I never think, Abomination. I don’t use the word. I don’t think I’ve ever called anything an Abomination in my life. It just hasn’t occurred to me.

Now, here’s a piece of trivia: I have actually been called an abomination. Mostly because I wrote a musical about a pedophile and some people mistrusted my motives. But I think it’s important to note in that instance nobody called my play or me “abominable.” They went straight for the noun: My play and I together were an Abomination.

And when that happened, I thought, “Wow. They’re setting the bar pretty low.” I mean, even on my lowest self-esteem days, I’d never figured myself for an abomination. An abomination is not just something disgusting or loathed, it’s something that is fundamentally unclean, a sin against God. The person who called me an abomination would catapult me right up there with gays, shellfish and poly-cotton blends. That’s quite an accomplishment for merely writing a play that maybe a thousand people have ever seen.

So if that’s the standard for abominations these days, no wonder the Christian right is in such a tizzy. Abominations abound! If I can be an abomination just for writing a play about sex abuse, then my friend Michael, who I happen to know had a three-way in college, definitely qualifies. My dog piddled on the carpet this morning. Is that an abomination? It’s certainly unclean.

And so it follows that Obama must be an abomination. Since Mr. Obama is superior to me in virtually all ways – more athletic, more ambitious, definitely smarter – then he must therefore also be a superior abomination.

But I don’t think the average driver in traffic would make that leap from a bumper sticker. If the word abomination isn’t floating around in your head already, I doubt you could get there by reading the phrase Obama Nation. If anything, a casual observer might think you’re equating Obama Nation with Christian Nation, since they’re both in big red letters.

You see? This approach is backfiring like a poorly maintained Caprice Classic.

This is why they lost the election. That, and our guy is just so awesome.